Singing accompanied by the beating of duff is an approved type of lahw (vanity) for women during the Eid. `A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said:
"Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) entered (my house) when I had two little girls singing the songs of Bu`ath and beating on a duff; so he lay down on the bed and turned his face away. Then Abu Bakr came in and scolded me saying, 'The flutes of Shaytan (the Devil) played in the presence of Allah's Messenger?' So Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) turned toward him and said, Leave them alone, O Abu Bakr! Every people have an Eid, and this is our Eid."
Al-Baghawi commented on this Hadith by saying:
"Bu`ath is a famous battle of the Arabs, in which there was a great victory for the Aws over the Khazraj. The war between the two tribes went on for one hundred and twenty years - until Islam came. The two girls were singing poetry that described fighting and courage, the mention of which is supportive to the Deen.
But as for songs that involve mentioning sins, announcing prohibited matters, and displaying evil deeds - it is all prohibited. And it is impossible that anything like that would ever take place in the Prophet's (peace be upon him) presence without him objecting adamantly to it.
And as for his saying this is our Eid, it provides the reason for displaying joy in the two Eids as being a symbol of the Deen, because they are different from other days."
From this Hadith, and other subsequent evidence, it is important to note the following:
 The Prophet (peace be upon him) did not object to Abu Bakr's statement that the duff, being a musical instrument, is a flute of Shaytan. This is taken as an approval from him (peace be upon him) of this general rule, which conforms with other authentic evidence prohibiting the use of musical instruments.
He (peace be upon him) modified Abu Bakr's (may Allah be pleased with him) understanding by indicating that there is an exception to this general rule on specific occasions.
The occasions in which Islam permits women to beat on the duff are the following:
1. The two Eids,
2. weddings,
3. to celebrate the arrival from travel
of a respected individual.
The evidence for the third kind is the Hadith about the woman who came to Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) and said, "O Allah's Messenger, I have made a vow, if Allah brought you back safe, to beat the duff over your head." Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) sat down and said, Fulfill your vow!
On these occasions, hearing the beating of duff is permitted for men, for Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) did so and approved of it, as is seen in the above Hadith. However, it is not permissible for men to listen to women's singing, because this is an unjustifiable source of great fitnah. The Prophet's (peace be upon him) listening to two little girls does not constitute an evidence in this regard.
Because of the general texts prohibiting the use of musical instruments in general, the only musical instrument that the women are permitted to use is the duff; deriving any analogy from this to other instruments is wrong, and is in clear violation of simple principles of fiqh and reason.
This privilege of using the duff is not granted to men on any occasion - as will be discussed below.
The permission given to sing during the Eids applies only to acceptable poetry that encourages good deeds and behavior. It cannot be extended to the songs calling to sins and disobedience, as is common in many cultures (see the earlier citation from al-Baghawi).
As indicated above, there are no reports that the male companions beat on the duff. Thus, beating on the duff is allowed for women because it is typical of them, and Allah's Messenger permitted them to do it, but he (peace be upon him) forbade men's imitation of women and vice-versa. This view is upheld by the majority of the scholars; for instance, Sheikhul-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah said:
"The Prophet (peace be upon him) permitted some types of rejoicing on the occasion of weddings and their like. He permitted the women, as well, to beat the duff during weddings and festivities. As for the men, during his time, not one of them would beat the duff nor clap their hands. Rather it is confirmed in the Two Sahihs that He (peace be upon him) said:
Clapping the hands is for women; and raising the voice with tasbih is for men.
And:
Allah curses those men who imitate women, and those women who imitate men.
And singing and beating the duff are of the acts typical of women. Because of this, the righteous Salaf labeled the man who did that, effeminate."
And Ibn Qudamah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
"As for beating it (the duff) for men, it is makruh in all situations. It was only done by women; and if men do it, they would be imitating the women; and the Prophet (peace be upon him) has cursed those men who imitate the women."
Ibn Hajar al-Haythami, commenting on Ibn Qudamah's words, said:
"It is obvious that his words mean its prohibition (for men)."
And Ibn ajar al-`Asqalani said:
"The Hadith that says, 'Announce (masculine plural command) the weddings and beat (masculine plural command) the duff for it,' is used by some people as evidence that beating the duff is not specific to women. However, this Hadith is unauthentic; and the authentic Hadiths (in this regard) give that permission to do that for women. Men cannot be included in that because of the general prohibition for men to imitate them."
Al-Mubarakpuri agreed with this statement from Ibn Hajar, and he added:
"The fuqaha' (scholars) have said that the duff is that which has no bells, as Ibn al-Hammam mentioned... Likewise, the permissible singing during weddings is specific to women; it is not allowed for men."
And Ibn Kathir said:
"... Nothing is excluded from that prohibition of musical instruments, except beating the duff for the young girls - during Eid days, at the arrival of a respected individual from travel, and during weddings - as has been indicated in the Hadiths, and as has been established in various places. And permitting that in some situations does not lead to permitting it in all situations."
Common in our times are the ugly scenes prophesied by Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) in which men and women gather to entertain themselves with musical instruments and other prohibited acts. May Allah guide the Muslims to what is good for them in both lives.
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